The Celestial One Herself!

The cause of triangulation

part of: Postcards to the World

by Celeste Roth

I discovered the root cause of triangulation, the interpersonal kind, not the geometric kind.
When you have an interaction with a person or group and later you feel the need to complain about that interaction, person or group to someone else. This is what I mean by triangulation. An interpersonal attempt to include/involve a third party in your dealings. Through practicing compassionate communication (otherwise known as NVC or Nonviolent Communication) I realized why this happens to me. It’s when I did not include my whole, authentic self in the orginal situation or conversation. When I did not express myself to my satisfaction. When I held back and ‘listened’ or held back my ‘opinion’. It’s when I was not myself that I find I later want to report to a third party how the situation wronged me. It’s when I didn’t take care of myself in the first interaction that I am dragging around my expression, looking for a third party to take my side. Now I use this information and when I feel tempted to triangulate, I know that I was not authentic in the first interaction. This is a great power for me, because I haven’t known how not to be ‘spilling’ myself all over the place, and now I know it’s because I don’t know how to skillfully be authentic in the interactions i do have. This is greatly freeing and an excellent feedback path for me to find more satisfactory interactions, on the first time around.