Horsehead Nebula

Journey to Andromeda Two

part of: Journey to Andromeda

by The Archives of Raynah

related by Lora, Twilit Majz of the Fourth Generation

Uhl and Moira sat down in the warm waters of the Watching Pool. Moira had learned that the waters contained oils that not only protected her skin, but bore nutrients her body could actually absorb and make use of as she sat with her mind immersed in the Crystal. It was possible to recline for many hours comfortably and wander at will.

“Now my friend, let’s go inside the Crystal Mind and adventure!” Uhl said playfully, arching her eyebrows meaningfully.

Moira giggled nervously. “Of course,” she replied, then settled back, looked up at the crystal ceiling gleaming above her and began to gather all her thoughts and emotions up into a fine, tight bundle. The strange technology of the Pool and the Crystal would join with her when she focused and transport her directly into the combined minds of the Hidden Land. The device externalized each being’s inner processes into the presence of the inner processes of others. Inside, each being was revealed completely as the forces, processes and forms actually unfolding inside them took visible shape. At any given time there would be many thousands of minds wandering together.

Moira had only been in once, briefly, twenty years before. She had been overwhelmed by the naked presence of so many inner worlds vibrating around her, no shield of the body to hide within! She had left quickly. For twenty years she had walked in that memory, shielded in her body, contemplating her fear.

Moira had been accustomed to absolute self-surety until that moment in the Crystal Mind. She had discovered, much to her secret shame, that she wasn’t sure who she was when among peers or those she felt to be greater than herself. From that moment forward she shunned the Crystal and hid her uncertainty deep inside. She went back to the Wayward Land and to being special, to being the most sensitive, most balanced, most adept person she or anyone else had ever met.

It had taken Moira twenty years to admit that she was jealous of the advanced development of the people bred and born to the Hidden Land. Their neurobiology was 200,000,000 years more evolved, their society nearly that old. They were fabulous beyond her wildest dreams and the comparison with her own development left her singularly unimpressed with herself. When Uhl had invited her back to learn travel to Andromeda, it was only her desire to see that unimaginable place that induced her to face herself at last.

Now, sitting beneath the crystal ceiling, preparing to step into the midst of their magnificence once more, she struggled with the rising up of her own negative self-definitions, stinging her relentlessly like the Erinyes of ancient legend.

Uhl watched Moira carefully. “Good,” she thought. “She will enter and see just what I see right now. It will do her good if her courage holds.”

“Let us enter now, my friend,” Uhl urged again, this time with a thread of steel in her soft voice.”

Moira swallowed hard, exercised her considerable training to calm her nerves, focused her thoughts and emotions into one steady stream, then she launched herself directly up into the Crystal Mind.

Her perceptions shifted dramatically. She felt like a deep sea fish brought up to the surface way too quickly, suddenly finding herself painfully inside out. She felt exposed, raw, quivering.

Uhl approached, a soft white cloud of mist within which a vast series of intricately intertwined shapes spun out spiral galaxies of information in the form of ropes of light and cascades of sound.

Looking around she saw many other equally fantastic creatures. She wondered what they saw when they looked at her.

“Well, I could show you that my friend,” Uhl sang through her. “If you’d like, that is.”

Moira thought her way through that, feeling her energy snarl up somewhere close to the center of her being, where her heart might be if she were still in her body.

“I suppose,” she thought at last, the tones coming out of her sharply, the edges rasping, creating sudden whirlpools in Uhl’s misty, white cloud. Uhl parted and the whirlpools disappeared into the holes she created. Moira saw the jetstreams of her emanation surge through and leave Uhl undisturbed.

“You know how to breathe and calm yourself, Wayward Sister,” Uhl whispered. “Now learn to feel your way to calm. Watch yourself in me and I will guide you.”

Then Uhl solidified until her surface was smooth and shiny, metallic, a mirror in which Moira could see herself quite clearly.

She was almost beautiful, her symmetry nearly perfect, the depth and intricacy of the forces creating her, absolutely fascinating. From a pale blue ocean with white foam flying, a single ray of fire blossomed up to flower into ten thousand swirling, interpenetrating rays, finer than the finest celtic knotwork, upon which floated a series of clouds rising up and up and up, from which a soft rain fell right back down to her electrosheen ocean….yet right there in the center of her entire being, right at the base of the upwelling of her fire, spewed a long black mass of something bubbling and boiling. Cries emanated from it.

“What the hell is that?” Moira thought, shocked into repugnance and recoil.

“It is part of you, my love,” Uhl commented nonchalantly, warmth radiating from every point of light in her being.

“What, what is it? How did it get there?” Moira said, still too shocked to notice the obvious.

“Feel your way up from the coolness beneath, down from the mist above, from the heat all around toward it. Do it slowly and just watch,” Uhl replied.

Moira did as she was directed, her love and trust for Uhl overcoming her uncertainty and fear.

As she worked her way down toward the bubbling black and just watched, images emerged from it spontaneously: Her mother parting her hair when she was three and saying, “my good little girl. So much depends on you;” her father leaning down over her when she was eight as she did her breathing exercises, then rising, turning, whispering to her grandfather, “she is the best I’ve ever seen;” her grandfather nodding, smiling. From that day forward Moira had never been carefree.

“This is where it began,” Moira whispered, the sternness of her own demand that she be perfect to satisfy her beloved family weaving a net of disbelief in her own fundamental worth outside their eyes. This disbelief had settled deep down inside, obscuring her knowledge of her own true mind. “Who am I underneath the authority of their belief?” she wondered.

“Go deeper inside and just watch,” Uhl recommended as she settled around Moira in a shimmering haze of white mist and dancing fractals flowering from within her power. “The real you exists inside of the clothing of belief. It exists whether you believe it or not, whether you notice it or not. Why don’t you take off that black cloak and see what you are like underneath?”

Moira nodded dumbly and looked within. Sure enough the bubbling black mass, under the influence of her own willingness to look and Uhl’s sure residence in her own power had become a cloak she could choose to lift.

Moira chose to lift it.

Peering under the farthest edge she saw something she did not expect—a white horse wandering over grass of green by the edge of the sea. Sure, firm muscles gleamed as she ran swiftly here and there, seeking answers, seeking truth, finding meads within which to feed. Then she looked deeper, past ancient images cherished by her own people that extended back through time, and felt the central core of her own energy surging up out of the ground of her body. She felt the first distinguishing characteristics that were her…a rolling fullness lounging briefly here and there between roiling flights, splashings, condensings, mergings and movings, vectors and forces interpenetrating to create solidity upon which the splashings rode, becoming the shape of the moment changing, by which she found her way.

“Remember what this feels like,” she suddenly felt Uhl say. “This is the place from which you will navigate the pathways between the stars someday!”

In silence Moira listened and learned. Then she spent thirty days exploring herself and her own ways until she was to herself no longer strange, until at last she moved in perfect surety, her knowing rooted deeply in her own particular way of being.

Then Uhl showed her many things.

to be continued….