Pole Dancers


part of: Postcards to the World

by Celeste Roth


I guess I create resistance to slow my own fall. To stop from the free-fall bliss-scary future void. To slow me down. I create a lot of resistance. Reptilian brain afraid. Make up stuff from the materials of reality. Mazes, stories to stop the unimpeded flow of me. To contain me like that game with the balls pouncing off nails – pachenko? I planted the trees to retain the water. Now they have a life of their own. A forest that slows the flow. Prevents the erosion of rushing water flowing. I must build the walls that make the house that shelters me from exposure, the raw elements. Let things drift in through the vent at a pace I can handle. Restriction, resistance is a help sometimes. A lot of times. This is my forest. These are my walls, my trees. I direct myself with these thoughts, lies, theories, judgements. My brain is a filter to save me from everything and nothing. I need the structure to create meaning, purpose, direction, motivation. with no features there would be no reason to walk in any certain direction. What features do I want? I want to keep my job and have choices there. I want to be happy, grow, improve relationships. Fitness is more distant. I wish I wanted it? DanceMeditation, how does that play? I have these bones/ligaments organized in direction. Direction is inherent in me. There is a reason to distinguish on my features alone. Structure and flow. Structure is the resistance. I need it. Or am I just defining words? I need the resistance. It protects me. Saves me from what I am not ready for. Guidance. I’m really confused and I want to be high. Just like any junkie. I am no different. What features are inherent, which are needed and which are not useful?