What not to wear

part of: Postcards to the World

by Celeste Roth

Robert said today would be the perfect day to implement the suggestions of several friends and audition for the show ‘what not to wear’. yesterday, dancing seemed so important. Today life is different. I still don’t know what I want. But I see that my priorities are habitual. Instead of zumba or yoga, I’m going to a dinner party with friends, or to see my mom, or to have dinner with a transsexual. I’m kinesthetic. I’m here in class doing a jillion things – drinking, eating, looking in my purse, writing, asking questions, correcting my posture, relaxing my hip flexors. I really want to write postcards but it would be disruptive/inappropriate. I can feel my brain time sharing. Falling behind, catching up, going ahead of the classroom proceedings. What is optimum for me, my life, enjoyment? I see that my job is my top priority. Ensuring continuation of that income seems to be what I take care of first. Not necessarily excelling or increasing there but maintaining and keeping it interesting to me. Can my life change? yes. Do i really want that? I dunno. I’m not ready to let go of what i have built and maintained to get something else though rumi says “give up this life and get a hundred new lives”.